Follow You
by kasviel
Summary: Tsukishima/Yamaguchi. A short boys' love (yaoi) story. Alternate Universe. Continues after the finale of season one. There is a little bit of spanking.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes

This is a short boys' love story from the awesome sports anime series, "Haikyuu!", focused on the pairing of Tsukishima/Yamaguchi. It is set in an Alternate Universe, as the canon characters are straight and I've made four of them … not straight I've also added a family and some character background for Tadashi Yamaguchi, all of which is total fabrication on my part. I love those two together, and they are obscure enough that there is room to expand on their relationship; this is the reason I often prefer to write villains or side characters so often.

It's been a very long time since I wrote any fan fiction based on an anime series. The last time I did, I was a kid, and the writing was so atrocious that I've never re-published any of it (it's too awful). I watch all anime in the original Japanese language, so I'm often tempted to throw in common Japanese words and expressions, but I treated this fan fiction as a "dub", for cohesiveness. Due to this fact, character names are in Western order: given name first, surname last, as opposed to the Japanese order of surname first, given name last (example: so it's Kei (given name) Tsukishima (surname/family name) instead of Tsukishima Kei). I also use "Mr" and "Mrs", Western prefixes, rather than "-san", etc. I still miss Shoyo being called "chibi" instead of "runt, shrimp", etc.. Conveniently, Yamaguchi's nickname for Tsukishima is just a plain nickname, so there was no translation necessary. Tsukki~!

This story contains a big spoiler for the end of season one, so if you have not watched the entire season one, be warned. This is based entirely on the anime series, as I have yet to read the manga, and I think there are only a few volumes available in the US (and most on pre-order, according to Amazon). I may write another story for these two in the future, but I'm waiting eagerly for season three. It's so addicting!

Enough rambling. Enjoy the story!

* * *

1

The school gym at Karasuno High School was lethally quiet that evening. Normally, Kei Tsukishima would have valued the calm (none of Shoyo Hinata's wild shouting or Tobio Kageyama's smart remarks), but this was no natural silence. Since the crushing loss to Aobajōsai High School, the Karasuno Volleyball Team had been practicing with single-minded focus, but their plays were weaker than ever. It felt as if their hearts were in it, but those hearts had been shattered into pieces.

 _It doesn't surprise me,_ Tsukishima thought. He wiped sweat from the short fringe of blond hair on his forehead and looked around. All he could hear was the squeak of sneakers on the polished wood floor and the occasional thump of a ball hitting it. _I always knew this was just a club. I always knew if you put your all into it, you're just going to end up disappointed. I knew this would happen. I knew it would! So why ... Why ..._

Tsukishima bounced the ball on the floor once. He caught a glimpse of Shoyo missing one of Kageyama's tosses. He bounced it again, harder. Nishinoya kicked a ball across the gym and collapsed on the floor with a water bottle, looking ready to blow practice off altogether. Tsukishima tsked and bounced the ball with all his force, scowling.

 _Why does it piss me off so much?_

There was a clatter and Tsukishima turned. Tadashi Yamaguchi had fallen down on hand and knee on the floor. Tsukishima gripped the ball harder, his bad mood and scowl darkening further.

"I can't do it!" Yamaguchi wailed. He pounded the floor with one fist. "I'll never, never be able to do it! Just-just-just don't call me in again! Ever!"

The others could just stare at him, too disheartened to be surprised. His declaration seemed to finally break everyone else's resolve. Nishinoya left with a tsk, followed by Tanaka. Shoyo sat down heavily on the floor, and even Kageyama did the same. Tsukishima felt embarrassment for his friend, and even more annoyance with the others than ever. He threw the ball at Yamaguchi, hard. It hit his side with enough force to knock the boy over. By the time he sat up, Tsukishima was kneeling before him. Yamaguchi was rubbing his shoulder, but at least he had stopped crying.

"Ts-Tsukki," the boy stammered. "That hurt."

"Good," Tsukishima said. "You're doing too much, idiot. Do you want to kill yourself?"

"At least if I'm dead, I won't let everyone down again."

 _This ..._ Tsukishima stared at his friend, whose bottom lip was trembling. His hand curled into a fist. _This pisses me off most of all!_

"YAMAGUCHI!"

Tsukishima's shout made Yamaguchi jumped. He flinched behind his arms, bracing himself. Tsukishima's hand shot out, and grabbed him by the wrist. His much taller friend pulled him to his feet roughly. Yamaguchi looked up at him quizzically, but Tsukishima had already turned his back on him. He dragged Yamaguchi out of the gym without a word. Yamaguchi's legs felt like rubber, but he managed to stumble along. He stared at Tsukishima's hand around his wrist, so much larger than his own hands, gripping with so much strength. _If I had hands like that, I could serve well,_ Yamaguchi thought. He sniffled, scrubbing his hand across his eyes. Tsukishima glanced over his shoulder at him.

"Idiot," he scoffed, his grip tightening on the boy's wrist. "You're shaking from exhaustion. Did you even drink any water?"

Yamaguchi shook his head. They were in the locker room now. Tsukishima released him and told him to change. Then he went to get the bags he hadn't given either of them a chance to get back at the gym. Yamaguchi undressed, but he had to sit down before putting his uniform back on. Tsukishima had been right: his entire body was trembling, as if his muscles and nerves were being played with a violin bow. He gripped his head in both hands, mussing his already messy black hair. He had practiced until he felt this spent, and yet he had not once been able to serve the ball properly. Just like with the Aobajōsai game, his all had amounted to nothing, absolutely nothing. No, it was worse than nothing, it was sabotage. He had sabotaged his own team with his uselessness.

Tsukishima returned to find Yamaguchi in his briefs, head bowed over his knees, on a bench. He nudged his shoulder and held a water bottle out to him.

"Hey, why aren't you dressed yet?" Tsukishima asked in annoyance. His eyes looked his friend up and down. Yamaguchi had grown to an average height, but he was thin, only now starting to develop wiry muscle from all his dogged practicing. He looked more fragile than the other boys, Tsukishima thought, though not maliciously. He caught himself still looking at the boy's mostly bare body, and shook Yamaguchi by the shoulder. "Hey, come on, get-"

Drops fell from Yamaguchi's bowed head and splattered on his knee. He covered his face with both hands, but Tsukishima still heard his sobs. He shook him by the shoulder.

"Hey!" he snapped. "Hey, hey! Stop crying! It's not worth it! It's only a damn club!"

"Don't just say that!" Yamaguchi exclaimed. He lifted his face to Tsukishima's, smeared with tears and snot like a little boy's. "I know you wanted to win that game! We all wanted to! It-it's important to you!"

"Not that important!" Tsukishima said. He sighed and sat on the bench beside his friend. Yamaguchi had been severely depressed since the Aobajōsai game, and this new breakdown frightened him. He took the boy by both shoulders and brought their faces close. "Who doesn't want to win at their goals? Huh? That's normal! But this? This isn't right. We'll play volleyball for a few years and then graduate, and we won't even remember these games, Yamaguchi."

"But they're important _now_!" Yamaguchi pointed out. He sniffled. "They're important to you now, and I let you down."

"Listen to me, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said. Yamaguchi looked up at him expectantly, but it took him a moment to get the will to say the words. He glanced around to make sure they were alone, and then patted a hand down atop Yamaguchi's head. "Even when a game is important to me, it's not as important as my grades, or my family, or ... or ... or not seeing you cry!"

Tsukishima said the last all in a rush, but Yamaguchi heard (and hung onto) every word. He stared at his friend with wide brown eyes, his usual half-lost, half-stunned look fading. His bottom lip quivered again, and then he beamed up at Tsukishima with such intensity that it made Tsukishima blushed.

"Awwww, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi exclaimed. He threw both arms around his friend in a fierce embrace, crying happily now. "It really bothers you that much when I cry?"

"Hey, hey! Get off of me!" Tsukishima yelled at him. He tried to push him off, but Yamaguchi was mysteriously strong when he was being affectionate. He felt slim and very warm against Tsukishima. Tsukishima tried to find somewhere to put his hands, but they only met smooth naked skin. His face turned bright red. "Idiot. You're too old to act like this! You're not even dressed, stupid."

Yamaguchi hugged him very tightly, and for a moment, the wrongness of the situation escaped Tsukishima. For a moment, it felt good to be this close. For a moment, holding Yamaguchi in his arms felt right.

Tsukishima forced the sensation away, and firmly pulled Yamaguchi off. He got to his feet, muttering to the boy to get dressed already. Before he could go, however, Yamaguchi reached up and took him by the arm.

"Tsukki, thank you," he said earnestly. He sniffled one more time, and smiled. "And ... And I'll do my best not to cry for you!"

"Good. I'm glad." Tsukishima ruffled his hair, and shoved a water bottle at him. "Now get dressed already. And drink that. You probably sweated and cried all your fluids away, dummy."

Yamaguchi took the bottle sheepishly and did as he was told. Tsukishima looked at him for a second, and then left him. Outside the locker room, he sighed heavily. His heart was beating fast, and he was still shaken by the sound of Yamaguchi's crying. It had been a long time since he had heard those sobs, and it was unnerving to realize that even at sixteen, his friend had not outgrown them.

 _I broke my promise,_ Tsukishima thought. He felt a sting of hot moisture in his own eyes, and removed his glasses to rub them. He squeezed the bridge of his nose, leaving them shut. _I made him cry. I let myself get too into the damn club's games. I made too big a deal out of volleyball, and Yamaguchi tried to be good at it for me. If I hadn't let myself get so involved, he wouldn't have gotten this into it. Yamaguchi is ... crying because of me._

"Huh? Tsukki? Are you okay?"

Tsukishima put his glasses back on and looked down at Yamaguchi. His eyes were red and puffy, but he seemed back to his usual good spirits. Tsukishima gave his shoulder a very light punch.

"I'm not the one that almost practiced and cried myself to death," he scolded. Yamaguchi looked chastened enough, so he softened his tone. "Come on. Let's go home."

 _I may have broken my promise, but I can't do anything about that now,_ Tsukishima thought as they walked through the empty school. _But I won't make the same mistake twice. I won't ever make you cry again, Yamaguchi._

* * *

That night, Tsukishima could not sleep. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about Tadashi Yamaguchi. He wondered how one moment of interest in a situation that had nothing to do with him had led to their odd friendship. He wondered why it was becoming so embarrassing to see his old friend unclothed, or to be physically close to him. He wondered whether Yamaguchi was more of a pet than a friend, a stray little puppy that had insisted on following him around since they met.

More than anything, however, Tsukishima wondered about the promise he had made Yamaguchi's mother.

All the way back in elementary school, Tsukishima had wandered by a fairly typical scene: a bunch of boys had a smaller one on the ground and were insulting him. Tsukishima still did not know why he had bothered to intervene; it had not even been a deliberate intervention, he had just decided to bully the bullies back. Had he been that bored that day? That was probably it. He had insulted them, in any case, and when they came at him, he used the much greater height he even had then to intimidate them. He had thought that was the end of an amusing little diversion, but afterward, the bullied boy had inexplicably gravitated to him. It was irritating, but Tsukishima had not known how to get rid of the overly friendly other boy. There was something pitiful about Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima did not want to be as lame as the bullies by insulting or hurting him. Yamaguchi had followed him around like a fan, and having a fan for no reason was so lame that Tsukishima eventually had to acknowledge him as a normal friend. The kid had not left his side since.

A couple months after they met, Tsukishima deigned to hang out with Yamaguchi at his house. He lived with his mother, and had no siblings. He had proudly introduced Tsukishima to his mother, but Tsukishima had sensed a reserve in the woman. Like her son, she was plainly average in looks, and did not share the smattering of freckles across his nose. Despite the strange emotion Tsukishima felt in her, she had welcomed him, and he did not think she was hostile.

Tsukishima went to the bathroom at one point, leaving Yamaguchi lying in front of the TV in the living room. As he came down the hall back to him, Tsukishima had smiled as he heard his friend saying the opening lines of an action anime along. Though they were the same age, he had thought, _Jeez, Yamaguchi's such a baby sometimes._

Then, before he got back, Mrs. Yamaguchi had taken Tsukishima aside. He expected her to tell him not to come back or some such, but her words were far more complicated than that. She told Tsukishima that Yamaguchi's father had abandoned them when he was very small, and because of that, he had developed a codependent personality.

 _"It means that even doing simple things and making simple choices is very difficult for him on his own,"_ Mrs. Yamaguchi had explained. _"In a way, Tadashi will always be partly a child: he needs to be taken care of by another. He can only live by having someone there to give him the strength to do it. Unfortunately, this makes his friendships very intense. He had a best friend before, but he moved away. He doesn't live too far, but he won't let Tadashi see him anymore. He told Tadashi that he wasn't cool to be around anymore. Since then, my son can hardly function, and he's been bullied badly. It had gotten so difficult, that I was considering taking him out of school and hiring a tutor, though it would be a struggle to afford it. And then, he met you."_

Tsukishima had not known what to say to her. Though she looked like her son, Mrs. Yamaguchi had a bold honesty and frankness that Tadashi could never quite manage. Tsukishima had been a bit impressed by her.

 _"Do you understand what I am saying to you, Kei?"_ Mrs. Yamaguchi had continued. _"Being Tadashi's friend might be difficult. It is a responsibility in his case, because of his condition. If you don't want that responsibility, then I am asking you to end your friendship now, before he becomes even more attached to you. I am sorry to be so demanding, but ... I'm very tired of listening to my son cry."_

Tsukishima still remembered standing in that hall, the sound of martial arts and Yamaguchi's awed cheers coming from the living room. He had met Mrs. Yamaguchi's eyes through his glasses, those eyes so like and unlike her son's. She was trying to be a stern parent, but he saw the way her fingers tugged at the cuff of one sleeve. Though it was absurd given his youth, Tsukishima had felt protective of her and her son both. He had the feeling they both walked an emotional tightrope, since Yamaguchi's father had left them alone.

 _"Mrs. Yamaguchi,"_ he had found himself saying before he could think better of it, _"I promise you that I will never, ever make your son cry."_

Mrs. Yamaguchi had sucked in a breath softly. She had stared at Tsukishima incredulously for a moment, and then smiled warmly. She thanked him and told him he was welcome in their home anytime. Tsukishima had felt proud of himself that day.

 _And now I've made Yamaguchi cry,_ he thought presently. He sat up in bed, frowning deeply, and stared out the window. Without his glasses, the night was a hazy darkness in the moonlight. _And for what? Volleyball? Stupid. I was so stupid to start putting more effort into it. I misled Yamaguchi into thinking it matters so much that he should nearly kill himself for it. I won't make that mistake again. I need to stay rational. I don't want to become my brother._

Resolved, Tsukishima felt better. He lay down, and finally slept.


	2. Chapter 2

2

 _Not again._

Tsukishima stopped next to Yamaguchi's desk and gave him a solid knock atop the head. He felt him wince but it still took the boy a long moment to lift his head heavily. He looked up at Tsukishima with a dazed look, eyes underlined with dark smudges. He had been so asleep that there was a spot of drool at the corner of his mouth. Tsukishima scowled.

"You're lucky you only dozed off at the end of class, or you'd have gotten in trouble," Tsukishima said. He retrieved a tissue, went to wipe the drool, then handed it to Yamaguchi instead. "Clean your face. When was the last time you slept?"

"Dunno. In Tokyo, maybe?" Yamaguchi yawned widely and wiped his mouth with the tissue. He stood up with effort, gazing around the classroom. "Oh. Class is over?"

"It's been over for ten minutes!" Tsukishima snapped. "It took me that long to wake you up. Come on. Let's go home."

"No, no, I wanted to practice-"

"You've been practicing enough," Tsukishima scolded.

"No." Yamaguchi stared at his hand, gripping his schoolbag tightly. His bottom lip trembled, but then his mouth set grimly. He looked up at Tsukishima with an uncharacteristically fierce look in his eyes. "No. It's not enough. Not yet."

"Yamaguchi ..." Tsukishima stared at his friend. The progress had been slow, but recently Yamaguchi really had changed. He had even stood up to Tsukishima for the first time in his life. Normally, Tsukishima hated useless passion, but seeing it in his mild friend, seeing it give Yamaguchi a streak of independence, normally so hard for him to find ... Tsukishima smiled and knocked Yamaguchi very lightly on the top of the head. "All right, you masochist, but only for an hour."

Yamaguchi did not give his usual overly grateful smile, only kept that determined expression and nodded. Tsukishima felt a sense of pride for his friend, although also a strange sense of loss he could not explain. Though they were the same age, Tsukishima thought, _He's growing up._

* * *

Tsukishima sent Yamaguchi home after an hour, despite his whining to stay longer. Since Yamaguchi had convinced him to take volleyball more seriously a little while ago (and he felt invigorated on his own, though he hated admitting it out loud), Tsukishima stayed longer.

It was late and very dark out when Tsukishima left school. He was walking down the street, contemplating dinner, when he heard the distinctive sound of a ball hitting concrete. He froze, suddenly alert. The thud was heavy, not like the crisp bounce of a basketball: that was definitely a volleyball. He felt a fuse blow in his temple and followed the sound angrily. Surely enough, he found Yamaguchi and Mr. Shimada behind the Shimada Mart.

"Nice serve!" Shimada said encouragingly.

"Yeah, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima chimed in, startling Shimada and making Yamaguchi jump. Tsukishima gave him a cold grin. "Nice serve."

Yamaguchi gaped up at him, fear written all over his face. He rushed to explain, but Tsukishima only grabbed him by the arm. He felt that familiar burn and tremble of a body pushed to its limits. Yamaguchi looked up at him, his badly cut black hair matted to his face with sweat, his eyes dazed again. Fury raged through Tsukishima. He could not exactly say why he was so angry, but the idea of Yamaguchi still suffering so much over volleyball infuriated him. But what could he do? He had inspired Yamaguchi, and normally it was good for him. What could he do to protect him from the bad? How could he keep his inspiration, his influence, from making his friend cry again?

"Idiot," Tsukishima scoffed. "I told you to go home after school practice, didn't I? You can barely stand up."

"Now now," Shimada tried to intervene. "He only-"

"And why are you encouraging him?" Tsukishima asked coldly. He narrowed his eyes at Shimada. "Aren't you an adult?"

"Wh-what!?"

"Is anyone in this town not a total idiot for volleyball?" Tsukishima sighed. He tugged Yamaguchi. "Go home!"

"I can't."

"What?"

"I can't," Yamaguchi said. "What was the point of everything I've done, everything I said to you, if I'm just going to keep messing up?! You said I was cool, but all I did was-was say something the way I thought _you_ would say it! It was just words! I didn't do anything worthwhile when we were in Tokyo. I haven't gotten better."

"We did fine against the other schools there."

"No thanks to me. That's why ..." Yamaguchi broke free of Tsukishima's grasp and went to pick up the volleyball. He gripped it in both hands, staring at it, feeling the weight and remembering how frightened he still was of the thing's impact. "That's why I have to keep going. No matter what."

"Heh."

Yamaguchi turned to Tsukishima, eyes wide. He was pouring his heart and his pain into all this hard work-and Tsukki was _laughing_ at him?

"Don't think because you were cool that one time, that you're some kind of hero now," Tsukishima scolded. He walked over to the stunned youth and patted a hand down on his head. "The Spring High Tournament is coming up. You want to take your chance there, don't you?"

"We're all going to take our best chances," Yamaguchi said. "We have to. And yeah, I-I want to help. If I can be of use, I want to be, this time. I want to _do_ something!"

"You did this the last time," Tsukishima said. "You're killing yourself with this nonstop training to punish yourself for not making an impact on a game like everyone else, even though you're just the pinch server."

"What else ..." Yamaguchi's shoulders slumped. "What else can I do?"

"This is ridiculous." Tsukishima stooped in front of his friend, bringing their faces level. He saw the tears there in his friend's eyes, but somehow they hadn't fallen yet. "You feel that bad about all our past matches, huh?"

"Mm," Yamaguchi affirmed with a nod. His bottom lip was trembling, and he looked ready to break down again.

"Hm. Well. If you want to be punished that badly, then ..."

Tsukishima raised a hand and Yamaguchi held up his hands defensively. He shut his eyes, bracing himself.

"Hey, now, there's no need for-"

Tsukishima hit the hand Shimada reached out to stop him with away, and then grabbed Yamaguchi by both shoulders. He slammed him against the Shimada Mart's brick wall, and held him there. Yamaguchi was shaking, obviously afraid of a beating despite the fact that Tsukishima had never even slapped, let alone punched, him.

"Hey, hey!" Shimada exclaimed sternly. "If you're going to fight here, I'm going to call- _Ehhhh_!?"

Yamaguchi heard the slap before he felt the sting. He inhaled sharply, stunned. There was a moment of suspended silence, and he felt the roughness of the brick against his face, the feel of Tsukki's hand pinning one arm to the small of his back. The warm sting spread, and he shifted, sneakers crunching the concrete beneath them. Then, he was struck again.

"Ow!" Yamaguchi exclaimed, more out of shock than pain. He squirmed more. "Ts-Tsukki! What are you doing!?"

Tsukishima ignored him. His face was red and his heart was racing, but he knew exactly what he was doing. He could never truly hurt his friend, but he could not stand to see him killing himself out of guilt, either. He needed a sharp shock to break him out of this current depression, otherwise he would keep wearing himself out training uselessly. So, Tsukishima decided to punish him. He hit him again, once more, and again.

"A-are you actually ... _spanking_ him?" Shimada muttered awkwardly.

Tsukishima ignored him. He gave Yamaguchi a fast series of hard smacks across the seat of his shorts (he hadn't even changed before leaving school). It was a risk, he knew, but he was desperate to relieve Yamaguchi of some of the stifling pressure of the upcoming Spring High. If he could just satisfy Yamaguchi's self-disappointment enough to make him relax, he might be all right, Tsukishima figured. He just prayed the kid wouldn't cry too badly after this.

"Tsukki ..." Yamaguchi murmured into the the brick wall. He turned his face into it, flinching a little as he felt a palm strike him through the all-too-thin gym shorts. He blushed hotly, but he was not very upset. He understood what his friend was trying to do, and he actually felt grateful to him for it. He bit his lip as a fresh smack nipped his buttocks, and his blush deepened.

Tsukishima stopped before long, turning Yamaguchi back to face him. To his surprise, the kid was not crying at all. In fact, he was almost smiling. Tsukishima felt a strange sensation, and realized the heat on his palm just then. Ridiculously, he was reminded of hitting a volleyball, and almost laughed.

"Well, there," Tsukishima said awkwardly. He wanted to pat the boy on the head, but he felt too odd to even touch him. "Is that enough punishment for you?"

"Um—mm hm." Yamaguchi nodded. He swiped the back of his hand across his eyes and sniffed, but was not crying. Still, he lowered his gaze and twisted the hem of his tee.

"All right. Will you go home now?"

"Yes."

"Finally." Tsukishima patted his head and turned to the shocked Shimada. He felt a rush of humiliation and bowed in apology. "I'm sorry for talking to you that way, Mr. Shimada. I was very worried about Yamaguchi, but I had no right. I'm sorry."

"Ah, well, that's okay," Shimada said. He walked over and put a hand on Yamaguchi's shoulder. "Are you all right, Tadashi?"

"I'm fine."

Shimada brushed Yamaguchi's hair off his forehead and touched his face briefly. Tsukishima put his hand on Yamaguchi's opposite shoulder possessively. He did not like how much time Yamaguchi spent with Shimada lately. His eyes met Shimada's, and both gazes were cold. Yamaguchi looked between the two, confused by the sudden tension in the air.

"Well, why don't you both come inside for a minute?" Shimada asked, his good nature returning. He smiled down at Yamaguchi. "You look dehydrated, Tadashi."

 _I hate the way he calls him by his first name,_ Tsukishima thought. His grip on Yamaguchi's shoulder tightened. They all went into the Shimada Mart, which Shimada opened up again for them. He went to get them water from the refrigerators in the back, then asked Tsukishima to follow him a moment. As Tsukishima followed him, he caught a glimpse of Yamaguchi rubbing his bottom sheepishly. The sight sent that strange ripple that was becoming familiar through him, and he quickly looked away. He followed Shimada to the refrigerators at the back of the store, opened one, and fetched two water bottles. He was about to return to Yamaguchi, when Shimada called his name. He turned to the older man.

"Tsukishima," Shimada said. "What is going on between you and Tadashi?"

"I don't know what you mean," Tsukishima said, managing to play it cool despite the jab in the guts the question gave him. "He's been wanting to be punished since he couldn't perfect that jump float serve in Tokyo, so I punished him. It was a little weird to spank him at his age, but what else could I have done? Knock him out? I could never do that."

Tsukishima went to go, but Shimada stepped in front of him.

"Tell me."

"I don't know what-"

Shimada took Tsukishima's hand and turned it over. The palm was still lightly pink from the force of spanking his friend. Tsukishima turned red and pulled his hand away.

"Tell me," Shimada urged him gently. "I ... I understand, so tell me."

"You understand?" Tsukishima's hand curled into a fist. "Do you? How well do you 'understand'? Why do you have a high school kid like Yamaguchi here at this hour, anyway?"

Shimada said nothing. The accusations were ludicrous, and Tsukishima knew it. There were rumors in town about Shimada's sexuality, but even if they were true, Tsukishima knew he was not the type to pick up high school kids. He relaxed his hand, and ran his fingers over his palm. The indescribable tingle that he felt more and more often around Yamaguchi rushed through him sharply.

"I ... I've been feeling differently about him lately," Tsukishima said hesitantly. "It was only small things at first, little stupid moments that you could pass off as hormones. But after we lost to Aobajōsai, Yamaguchi completely broke down. I had seen him like that before, a few times, but that time ... when he relied on me, clung to me ... it was ... It was different that time. I felt different. Being that close to him, even seeing him undressed, this year, it's become difficult. I don't know why."

"Don't you?"

Tsukishima looked at the older man, surprised that he really did understand. He hated talking so much about himself, especially when it made him look so freakish. On the other hand, his feelings had been driving him insane, and it was good to finally voice them. Given that Shimada seemed to be admitting he was also gay, Tsukishima felt more comfortable; at least he would not judge him or see his attraction to Yamaguchi as too weird.

"What do you think I should do?" Tsukishima asked. He felt lame, but confusion had won out. "I guess I know ... what this is. But what can I do about it?"

"Well, it won't make life easy, and I won't lie and tell you that it will pass," Shimada said quietly. "It might, it might not. But you're obviously frustrated, and if you keep going this way, you might end up hurting him. _Really_ hurting him."

Tsukishima's eyes widened, startled at the thought. He remembered his promise to Yamaguchi's mother, that he would never make her son cry. The wan overhead lights, not yet warmed up to full brightness, buzzed almost inaudibly. Tsukishima felt that odd feeling of deja vu that comes when an inevitable, crucial moment in one's life arrives.

"But as cliche as it is, in the end all I can say is, follow your heart," Shimada said with a sympathetic smile. He cleared his throat and frowned at Tsukishima. "And don't ever hurt him more than that spanking, is that clear?"

"I wouldn't, anyway," Tsukishima said, annoyed. He looked at Shimada again, wondering what his interest in Yamaguchi was. The suspicion passed, however. Awkwardly, he said, "Thanks for the advice."

"If you can even call it that," Shimida said ruefully. They headed back to Yamaguchi. "I'm still figuring life out myself, even at my age."

Yamaguchi had been staring at his hands, but he smiled when Tsukishima returned. Tsukishima gave him a bottle of water and they both drank. Feeling a little bad for his friend, he also bought a frozen pop for him.

"Thanks, Tsukki," Yamaguchi said as they headed out. "But what took so long? You went to the back of the store with Mr. Shimada and disappeared. I heard talking. What were you talking about?"

Yamaguchi was having trouble opening the popsicle's wrapper. Tsukishima snatched it, tore the wrapper off, and shoved it into the startled boy's mouth. Watching this, Shimada choked on his own water. _Could Tsukishima's sexual frustration be more obvious?_ he wondered.

"Mind your own business," Tsukishima ordered Yamaguchi. "Come on. You look like you're going to fall dead at any minute. Let's go home."

"Mm!" Yamaguchi agreed, nodding cheerfully.

 _He's not acting punished at all,_ Tsukishima thought as they left the Shimada Mart. Yamaguchi's guilt had vanished right after the spanking, and he actually seemed happy now. His tongue darted, cat-like, from his thin lips to lick the popsicle. Tsukishima felt a jolt and averted his eyes. _Maybe I should have hit him a little harder._

"Hey, Tsukki."

"Yeah?"

"My mother is out of town for business," Yamaguchi said, sobering. "Um, do you want to stay over? Tonight?"

Tsukishima inhaled softly at the request, and looked down at Yamaguchi. His body had tensed again, like a dog expecting a blow. Tsukishima was torn between disgust, pity, and some other feeling-a darker feeling almost like appreciation. He did his best to not think about what it said about him that he liked Yamaguchi's slavering loyalty sometimes.

Tsukishima considered the offer to come over. Mrs. Yamaguchi worked very hard in business, making a long commute every morning and evening, and often going on business trips like this. She worked that hard to support her only son alone, and Tsukishima greatly admired her for it. However, the times when Yamaguchi was left alone in his house were hard on him; his appetite decreased, and he could hardly sleep. Tsukishima had taken to sleeping over when Mrs. Yamaguchi was gone, although he had tried to ween Yamaguchi off this habit over the past couple years. But the thought of leaving him alone tonight, to hardly sleep when he was so exhausted, and after spanking him no less ...

"All right," Tsukishima said. "I'll just have to call home, but I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Thanks! Tsukki!"

"Yeah, yeah. Stop being so loud."

It was worse when Yamaguchi was quiet. No, he was not completely quiet: Tsukishima could hear him licking and biting on the popsicle. How long did it take him to eat it, anyway? His tongue was eager, stained red with the ice's food coloring like his thin lips. He was plain, he was just a normal scrawny boy with weird freckles and unruly hair. That's right, he was a boy, a _boy_ , and not even a beautiful or cute or cool one, at that. He was a boy, so why was Tsukishima thinking about him in this way? How did any of this make sense? How long would it take him to finish that damned popsicle?

They came to Yamaguchi's house. Tsukishima was on edge, his body and mind whirling with stupid passions and emotions. Yamaguchi cocked his head, baffled.

"Are you okay, Tsukki?"

"Why didn't you care, Yamaguchi?"

"About what?"

"Being-" It took Tsukishima a moment to say the word, and of course it only frayed his nerves even more when he did. "Being spanked."

"Oh. Well, I thought you were going to beat me up, so I was actually kind of relieved," Yamaguchi said with a smile. He licked the popsicle, thought a moment, and his face colored. "B-besides, it ... it wasn't so bad. I can still feel it. Feel you. But that's not really a bad thing."

Yamaguchi had been trying to fumble his keys out of his pocket. He dropped them, and both he and Tsukishima knelt to pick them up. They reached at the same time, and their hands touched. Tsukishima had touched him many times before, casually, by accident, or for whatever reason, but he had never felt it this much. Yamaguchi's hand was small and a shade darker than his own pale one, roughened and swollen from practice he was unused to. Tsukishima wondered if Yamaguchi felt that spark between them. He thought he did, because Yamaguchi paused for a moment. Then, the boy picked the keys up and looked at him.

"Are you okay, Tsukki?" he asked. The hapless youth licked the popsicle again, then stuffed the end in his mouth, speaking around it. "You look kind of sick."

Tsukishima honestly wanted to hit him right then and there, but he refrained. Instead, he snatched the keys, unlocked the house, and stormed inside. Yamaguchi, used to his friend's moods, followed him in with a nonchalant shrug. Tsukishima called home to inform his mother that he would be staying over at Yamaguchi's (a call she got often), and hung up. He found Yamaguchi in his bedroom, undressing for bed. Before pulling on his pajama pants, Yamaguchi turned his back to the mirror and tugged his briefs down enough to survey the damage the spanking had done. His thigh curved up into a reddened pillow of flesh, which the boy stared at in fascination. Tsukishima could no longer deny his arousal, and felt a wash of shame overcome him. He left the doorway on silent feet, and headed into the bathroom.

Yamaguchi, meanwhile, contemplated what might be the matter with Tsukishima. He got aggravated with him easily lately. If he were merely disappointed with his poor volleyball performance, Yamaguchi could understand that, but he had the feeling there was something else wrong. He hoped that Tsukki had not outgrown him. The very thought made him ill. But no, he still cared about him, wasn't that spanking proof of that? If he didn't care, he wouldn't be so worried about Yamaguchi's over-practicing, he wouldn't have punished him to assuage his guilt. If he didn't care, he wouldn't be staying over. Yamaguchi fitted his hand over one of the red handprints on his bottom. The sting felt like a mark of ownership, and the thought sent a small thrill through him. He hurried and dressed before his thoughts ran away with him.

Tsukishima returned, very quiet and a little pale. He borrowed a pair of Yamaguchi's pajamas, the sleeves and pants legs too short, and took the spare bedroll from the closet. He assured Yamaguchi that he was not angry at him, bid him goodnight, and turned in.

It took Tsukishima a long time to sleep. He got up at one point, and walked over to where Yamaguchi lay on his bed. The boy was fast asleep on his side, a small fist curled in front of his mouth. Tsukishima smiled affectionately, and allowed himself to touch the side of his friend's face. He was not a cute flashy boy like Shoyo, fierce like Nishinoya, nor classically handsome like that bastard Kageyama. He was, all in all, plain and a bit awkward. Nonetheless, as he traced the boy's familiar face with his fingers, freckles bumping up beneath them, Tsukishima thought that he was more attractive than any of those other boys-or even any of the girls. There beneath the light of the moon, sleeping so free of care, he was lovely to Tsukishima.

Tsukishima climbed onto Yamaguchi's bed and put an arm around him. Yamaguchi automatically threw an arm over him, as if sensing his presence even in deep sleep. He always had slept like a baby whenever Tsukishima was over ...

Tsukishima recalled a visit two years after they had first met. Yamaguchi had been rambling and happy as ever. When they got to his home, however, they found his mother stricken and quiet. Tsukishima had politely offered to leave, but Mrs. Yamaguchi had requested he stay. He had never seen so much desperation in her eyes, and he had not dared refuse. He had drank cold tea in the kitchen while Mrs. Yamaguchi spoke to her son in the living room. His blood had curled when he heard a piercing wail, and he had dropped the glass. It shattered on the floor, but he gave it no thought, running to living room. There, Mrs. Yamaguchi was on her knees, trying to comfort her hysterical son. The moment he saw him, Yamaguchi had run to Tsukishima, and embraced him tightly. Tsukishima had looked at his mother in alarm, awkwardly holding the sobbing other boy in his arms.

Mrs. Yamaguchi explained that the husband who had abandoned them both long ago had died in a car accident in Tokyo. Yamaguchi sobbed that his father was never coming back now, that he could never come back. Meeting Mrs. Yamaguchi's eyes, Tsukishima could tell she shared his opinion: the absent Mr. Yamaguchi had never intended to come back, anyway. Yamaguchi must have always harbored hope that his father would want him again someday, however, and the loss of that hope had devastated him. The sound of his childish howling sobs had made Tsukishima's blood run cold: he had been certain his friend's heart would literally break.

Yamaguchi had been so upset that Tsukishima had brought him to bed, though it was early evening. His mother had given him some sort of pill, and Tsukishima had held a glass of water to his lips. Yamaguchi had stilled, but he did not sleep. In the hallway outside his room, his mother had asked Tsukishima if he would stay to help keep her son from doing anything drastic. Those words had chilled Tsukishima, and he did not dare ask her what she meant by them, or why she thought her son capable of such things. He had agreed to stay, and after a brief meal, was back in Yamaguchi's room.

That morbid night so long ago, Tsukishima had lain awake on his bedroll, when Yamaguchi suddenly climbed under the covers with him. Tsukishima had berated him and told him he was too old to act that way, but his heart was not in it. In the end, he had let Yamaguchi sleep beside him. Despite the powerful sedatives, only then did Yamaguchi fall asleep. Tsukishima had been too shaken to sleep, and simply lay on his back, Yamaguchi's head on his shoulder, a hand on his smaller friend's back. Back then, there had been no spark, no tingling burn, everything had been pure. All Tsukishima had felt was a sharp sympathetic agony for his shattered friend, and a strong desire to protect him.

Now, thinking back on that night, Tsukishima smiled. He hated useless emotions, but he did not feel their friendship was uselessly passionate. On the contrary, it was the most important thing in his life. He didn't know how it had come to that point, but watching Yamaguchi struggle and grow this past year made it crystal clear.

"I love you," Tsukishima murmured to the sleeping boy, trying the words out. They were strange and boldly wrong, but they felt wonderful. He held him closer, and kissed his lips to Yamaguchi's forehead, smelling shampoo and sweat. "I love you, Yamaguchi. Maybe I'll tell you that, one day."


	3. Chapter 3

3

When he awoke, Tsukishima was startled to find Yamaguchi draped all over him. _What's this!?_ he wondered in panic. _Didn't I go back to my bedroll? I didn't fall asleep next to him, did I? DID I!? What the hell!?_

Despite his inner panic, Tsukishima's body would not move. He lay breathing in the fresh morning air, sharing warmth with the smaller youth atop him. Yamaguchi was snoring softly, curled into Tsukishima's side, one arm thrown over his chest, the other curled by his mouth. Tsukishima shifted and felt one of Yamaguchi's legs wrapped around one of his longer ones. They were far too close, but ...

Yamaguchi stirred and lifted his face. He blinked twice, and then smiled sleepily.

"Oh, Tsukki, did you sleep with me?" Yamaguchi asked. He laughed, then said, a bit slyly, "Didn't you say we were too old to sleep together?"

"We are," Tsukishima said gravely. "Jeez, and don't say it like that."

"Hm?"

"Forget it. Get off."

Yamaguchi looked disappointed, but he did not argue. He sat up, stretching his arms. He cried out in pain and rubbed a sore shoulder. He curled his knees together, wincing.

"I'm sore everywhere," he sighed. "Ow ow ow, it hurts."

"I told you not to overdo it," Tsukishima scolded. "You're such an idiot sometimes, Yamaguchi."

Yamaguchi rubbed the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly in acknowledgment. He went to stand up, but Tsukishima suddenly took him by the arm. Yamaguchi looked back at him, puzzled and rubbing one eye with a yawn.

"Yeah? Tsukki?"

He looked about ten years old with sleep still softening his face and the stain from last night's popsicle still on his lips. But he was not a child anymore-neither of them were. Tsukishima's fingers stroked where he held the youth's arm, feeling Yamaguchi's pulse quicken at the wrist. Before he could think himself out of it, Tsukishima pulled Yamaguchi closer over the bed and took his face in both hands. The sleepiness left Yamaguchi's face immediately, and his eyes went wide. He looked eager, but Tsukishima saw self-consciousness beginning to creep in. Before Yamaguchi could pull back, Tsukishima firmly pulled his face closer, and kissed him. He missed at first, cursed not having his glasses on, and then lowered his face. Their lips met, and he burned with heat as he closed his on Yamaguchi's. Yamaguchi made a small sound of surprise, but then he relaxed into it tentatively. His mouth was shy and kissed back in tiny presses and nudges. Tsukishima pulled back and kissed his forehead just above the nose, then pulled him against his chest with one arm.

Yamaguchi stared in absolute shock. Was he still asleep and dreaming? How could this be real? He could still taste Tsukki on his mouth, and he was nestled intimately against him. He brought his legs back into the bed and hugged his knees close. He had to be dreaming. There was no way that someone like Tsukki could feel that way about someone like him.

 _But even if it is a dream, it feels ... It feels so good to be this way, with Tsukki,_ Yamaguchi thought. He lifted his face up and kissed Tsukki voraciously (if clumsily). _If this is a dream, I'm going to make it a perfect one!_

"Mmp, Yama-Yamaguchi!"

Yamaguchi's arms encircled Tsukishima's neck and he kissed his mouth and face with messy fervor. Tsukishima fell back onto the pillow, the eager youth all over him. Tsukishima had to laugh, reminded of an affectionately loyal dog. He ruffled his hair and kissed him deeply, a charge racing through his entire body. He was a little surprised to realize the rush was not unlike those he sometimes allowed himself to feel during volleyball matches, but stronger.

"Hey, hey! Give me a moment to breathe," Tsukishima gasped. His hands had wandered down Yamaguchi's body, one resting on his buttocks. When had that happened? Yamaguchi's mouth crushed into his relentlessly, and Tsukishima gave him a spank. "Hey. Get off. I have to breathe, idiot!"

"Whyyyy, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi moaned. He grinned a spacey grin. "No one has to breathe in a dream."

"Aren't _you_ breathing right now?"

"Uh? Oh. I guess so."

"Then how can this be a dream?"

"Eh? _Ehhhh_!?" Yamaguchi jumped off of him, kneeling on the bed. "Wh-wha-what are you saying? This is actually happening? You-Tsukki, you ... you kissed me!?"

"Not so loud at this hour," sighed Tsukishima. He reached out and patted a hand down atop Yamaguchi's head. "Did you really think that you were still dreaming?"

"Yeah," Yamaguchi said. He knelt on the bed in front of Tsukishima, a fist at his chin, his eyes wide and confused. "Ummm ... Why else would you kiss me?"

"You really don't get it, do you?"

Yamaguchi's head was spinning. He was so warm and dizzy that he felt like he had a fever. Tsukishima's hand ruffled his hair. He sat up and leaned close to Yamaguchi. Their eyes met, and Yamaguchi lost himself in the golden brown of his friend's sure, steady gaze.

"I love you," Tsukishima said. He took his hand from Yamaguchi's hair and knocked him lightly atop the head with it. "Isn't that obvious?"

"Love? But ... why?" Yamaguchi asked dully. "Why would you love someone like me? I mean, I know you tolerate me as a friend, and I'm so grateful for that, Tsukki, I really am, I wouldn't ask you for anything m-"

Tsukishima pressed a hand over Yamaguchi's mouth.

"That's enough of that," he said curtly. He removed his hand, rubbing the corner of his friend's mouth with a thumb. "Yamaguchi. I told you that you had become cool, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but what I said meant nothing," Yamaguchi said quietly. He stared at his hands. "I couldn't even-"

Tsukishima used his thumb to shut the youth's mouth again.

"The truth is, it doesn't matter if you're being cool or not," Tsukishima said. He sat back and reached for his glasses, putting them on. "I didn't let you hang around me because I wanted a cool friend. I did it because ... Well, honestly, at first I didn't know what else to do about you."

"Was I really that annoying?"

"Yeah," Tsukishima said with a small smile. He sobered and glanced out the window at the dawn. "But I didn't dislike you. I think I might have felt sorry for you that first time we met, when you were being bullied. I wouldn't admit it to myself, but something stopped me when I saw you on the ground that day. That same 'something' kept me from making you stop following me. I'm guessing you didn't know this, but the first day I spent over at your house, your mother told me about your codependency problem."

"She did!? You know about that, Tsukki?"

"Well, even if she hadn't told me, it was kind of obvious, wasn't it? I would have figured it out," Tsukishima pointed out. "Yamaguchi, she didn't do it to be mean or unfair to you. She was scared that I would hurt you, the way your other friend did when he moved."

"You know about that, too?" Yamaguchi said in a voice barely above a whisper. His head was bowed over his hands, and his hair hid his face. "So you always knew how pathetic I am."

"That's the thing, you're not pathetic. Not to me." Tsukishima tipped his face up by the chin. "You never have been, even at your worst."

"How can you say that? Are you just making fun of me, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi laughed weakly. "That's it, isn't it? You're just bored, so you're teasing me again. But kissing me is going a little too far, Tsukki."

"I wouldn't be that cruel," Tsukishima said. "And who the hell kisses another boy just because they're bored? You think I'm that kind of person?"

"N-no. But-"

"Why are you making this so difficult, Yamaguchi? Do you think this is easy for me?" Tsukishima asked. He took him by the shoulders and shook him. "I'm trying to tell you that you're the kindest, most innocent person I've ever known, and that that's why you never had to be anything else! You don't have to be cool or a hero or a star volleyball player or even a decent pinch server! You don't have to be anything! I love you anyway, you idiot! Idiot!"

"Ahhh, Tsukki, I can't see straight!" Yamaguchi complained as the room spun from the shaking. He was released and held his head in both hands until his vision cleared. "Mmm."

"Can't you just accept that I love you, you brat?" Tsukishima asked wearily. He frowned, blushing faintly. "Were you only kissing me back because you didn't think it was real? I'm sorry, I've always taken it for granted that-Do you even want to be with me, Yamaguchi? Do you even love me?"

"Of course I love you, Tsukki!"

"No, not like that, not like your best friend, or the person you depend on," Tsukishima said. He took both Yamaguchi's hands in his own. "Do you love me, um ... you know ... _that way_?"

"What way?"

"Yamaguchi," sighed Tsukishima, rubbing the center of his forehead. Every word made his inner ego tear into different pieces: one part of him thought he was being lame, like some Boys' Love manga hero; another part was screaming at him that he was going to disappoint his family by turning out this way; a doubtful part told him that he had overstepped with Yamaguchi, assuming he would love him back when the boy wasn't into guys at all. But he had gone too far now, and he only wanted Yamaguchi to understand how he felt about him. It would be weak to back out now, after going so far. "What I'm asking you is, do you think that you can love me as an adult? Romantically?"

"I don't understand," Yamaguchi said, nearly causing Tsukishima an aneurysm. "What's the difference?"

"You're really-Are you even sixteen?" Tsukishima asked in disbelief. "Or are you playing dumb? You have to know what I mean. Do you want to be ... _with_ me?"

"I always want to be with you, Tsukki," Yamaguchi said simply. He rested his arms behind his head, cocking his head between his elbows. "Um, I really don't understand what the difference is. All I want is to be with you as much as possible. What's the difference whether it's playing volleyball or kissing or ... anything else?"

"It's really that simple to you?" Tsukishima marveled. Yamaguchi nodded. "You're not just agreeing because you don't want to disappoint me? I won't be angry if you say 'no', you know, Yamaguchi. We'll still be friends. We'll always be friends."

"Why would I say 'no'?" Yamaguchi asked. He searched Tsukishima's eyes, noting his embarrassed expression, and finally began to understand. "Tsukki? See, I ... That is, the way I feel about it is ... um ..."

Tsukishima patted his shoulder encouragingly.

"I love you in every way," Yamaguchi said. He turned bright red, which made his freckles stand out garishly. "It's, um, always been that way. I just never thought you would want me that much, ever. So I was just happy being your friend. But if somehow you do want to be with me as more than that, _of course_ I want that! That's why I thought I was dreaming! I thought it was too good to be true."

Tsukishima both admired and pitied Yamaguchi's childishly simplistic view of love. He leaned closer to him and kissed him. The agony of unrelieved attraction was gone now, leaving him alight with pure love.

It was love, wasn't it? Could falling in love happen that easily? Maybe it wasn't love at all, maybe he was just using Yamaguchi to satisfy his hormones? Yamaguchi was always so close at hand, and he knew the boy would do anything for him; was there a dark part of his mind that knew he could use Yamaguchi however he wanted? Or was he afraid to start dating girls? Was that it? He was too scared to try to get a girlfriend, so he resigned himself to having an affair with his best friend?

Yamaguchi pressed his lips to Tsukishima's in an overzealous yet chaste kiss. Tsukishima smiled behind it, observing that Yamaguchi really did not know what he was doing. Neither did he, for that matter, but Yamaguchi's efforts were as haphazard as his volleyball serving. Tsukishima guided him with his mouth, and his arms encircled the other boy. The doubts washed out of him like a receding tide, leaving only a humming warmth that could only be love.

"It won't all be good, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima warned him. He spread his legs out along the length of the bed, and sat Yamaguchi on his lap. "If anyone finds out about us, we won't be able to escape the stigma. And after high school, still, if we decide to-to live this way, it'll be complicated. Your mother might not like it. My family will probably be disappointed. Worse things could happen, too. You do understand it's not normal, don't you? For two guys to be in this kind of love?"

"I know," Yamaguchi said. "But, Tsukki, no one ever notices anything I do, anyway. And you're a good liar. We could probably keep it a secret for a long time."

Tsukishma gave him a look. "A good _liar_?"

"I meant it as a compliment?"

"Huh. Anyway, I hope you're right, but if anyone finds out-"

"I'll deny it for you, Tsukki," Yamaguchi assured him. "I know you don't want your reputation ruined by people thinking you're with another guy, and a loser like me."

"Don't call yourself that," Tsukishima said gently. He frowned, feeling that he was doing something wrong but unable to determine what. He kissed Yamaguchi's cheek and smiled. "But you're right, I know how to play it cool. I know you won't say anything if I tell you not to. I trust you. We'll just take it one day at a time, okay?"

Yamaguchi stared at him. Though he looked rather vacant, his mind was actually overloaded with thoughts. A secret love affair! It sounded so exotic and adult! Was this actually going to be his life now? A grin slowly spread over his face.

"Okay!"

Tsukishima was thrown back again as Yamaguchi jumped on him, kissing him recklessly. Tsukishima smiled, taking a moment to enjoy this new sensation. They had shared everything for some time, Yamaguchi and he, but this was different. This was more than sharing, it was symbiosis. For the first time, Tsukishma realized that he had always needed Yamaguchi as much as Yamaguchi needed him. His life had been devoted to school and his ambition to be as cool as he thought his older brother was back then, but it had been empty. When he had found out that his brother was a fake, Tsukishima decided that being the best at anything was not worth the effort, if one would eventually fail in the end. He had only maintained his standards because he felt Yamaguchi's admiring gaze on him so keenly. He had done just enough to keep that admiration in his friend's eyes, and when Yamaguchi had challenged him to do more, he had felt, for the first time since his brother's disappointment, inspired. Incredibly, after his own philosophy of the world had been proven by the loss to Aobajōsai, Tsukishima had found his old ambitions rekindled by Yamaguchi's words. He had forgotten his hangups about his brother, his own negative view of passion, even the cynical persona he had perfected, and decided to be the best that he could be. Without him, Yamaguchi would still be the lost little child Tsukishima had found being bullied that day. Conversely, without Yamaguchi, Tsukishima now saw that he would only be a half-ass, talking trash about victories he had no faith in himself to claim. He needed Yamaguchi there, as much as Yamaguchi needed him here. Their souls were already intertwined, this physical mingling was simply an expression of that.

"Ah, now, now, that's enough of that," Tsukishima chuckled. He ran a hand through Yamaguchi's hair, straightened his glasses, and sat up. "We'll be late for school."

"Oh. Oh, yeah, school," Yamaguchi said, blinking. He smiled sheepishly. "I felt so grownup, being here like this with you, that I completely forgot!"

"Well, remember, you're still just a kid."

"We're the same age, Tsukki," Yamaguchi muttered to himself. Nevertheless, he followed Tsukki out of bed. He jumped up to kiss Tsukki's lips one last time before fetching his clothing for school. Before he left the room, he felt a hand ruffle his hair briefly, and his heart swelled. This _was_ real. Tsukki loved him, and that was real.

"Let's go, hm?" Tsukishima asked in the doorway. He patted Yamaguchi's head, and kissed his forehead. "Together."

Yamaguchi took his hand in his own. They would have to let go of each other once they got to the street, but he didn't care. They were bound now, by first kisses and first loved shared, by lives sewn together by the threads of fate. Even when they were apart, Yamaguchi knew that they would still always be promised together.


	4. Chapter 4

4

Training for the Spring High Tournament was in full force as the competition neared. Everyone shared the same single-minded purpose: to be the best they could be, and to propel Karasuno to victory. The disappointment of their big defeat to Aobajōsai had been cried, sweated, and trained away by now, a wound still, but one that had scarred over. Everyone knew what they had to strengthen, what weaknesses needed to be overcome, and how to play with the others on their team. The mood in the Karasuno gym was focused, but not desperate; everyone was relaxed and easy with one another. There was only one distraction for Shoyo Hinata lately ...

"Hey, Kageyama," he said during a break. "Is there something different about Tsukishima and Yamaguchi?"

Kageyama really could care less about the smartass four-eyes and his pet. He still needed some time to catch his breath, however, so he entertained the question. He glanced across the gym at Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. They had been two peas in a pod ever since Kageyama had met them, but he had to admit that Hinata was right: their chemistry was different lately. He watched them for a minute, but all he could tell was that they stood a little more closely together. He told Hinata as much.

"Oh, those two?" Nishinoya asked. He had come over for water and caught the conversation. "They're together."

"W-whaaaat!?" Hinata exclaimed.

"Not so loud! You want four-eyes to pick a fight with you?" Kageyama said, turning Shoyo away from staring at the two. "How do you know that, anyway, Nishinoya?"

"Pretty obvious," shrugged Nishinoya. "Besides, I had to go to the Shimada Mart for something really late, and they were there. I saw them, ah-" Nishinoya cleared his throat, uncharacteristically embarrassed. "-kissing."

"Kissing?" Shoya blinked in surprised. He turned and stared at the two other first year boys. "Huh. I knew they were close, but I didn't think they'd go that way."

"I don't understand it, but to each their own," Nishinoya said. He picked up a volleyball, bounced it on the floor, and went running back to the net to practice.

"Together, hmmm?"

"What's it matter to you?" Kageyama scoffed, hitting him on the head. "Mind your own business, runt."

"Who are you calling a 'runt', idiot!?"

"What did you call me?"

Shoyo's curiosity was diverted by a light playful scuffle with Kageyama. When he left the gym that evening, however, the idea of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi being romantically involved returned to his mind. Then, outside the gym, he saw them turning a corner together. Curiosity got the better of him, and he followed them.

* * *

"You're quiet tonight, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said as they walked through the empty school grounds. "Something wrong?"

"Um, it's just ... I'm not good enough yet," Yamaguchi said. He glanced up at Tsukki and smiled. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not going to cry or work myself to death. I just don't know why I can't get my body to work the way I want it t-Oh, wait, I have to lock up the club room."

"Wait," Tsukishima said at the club room door. "Let's go in a minute."

He took the key from Yamaguchi's hand and opened the door. He switched on the light, then shut and locked the door behind them. Yamaguchi grinned and put his arms around Tsukishima's neck. He leaned up to kiss him.

"Mm. Wait a minute," chuckled Tsukishima. "I didn't bring you in here for that."

"Aw, seriously?"

"Well, not _only_ for that," Tsukishima admitted. "Listen to me, Yamaguchi. Why do you want to be better at volleyball?"

"Well, I have to be better! Everyone else is doing so well, and the team is going so far! I don't want to disappoint everyone again!" Yamaguchi said earnestly. "I don't want to disappoint you, Tsukki."

"That's fine, but do you know the different between you and everyone else?"

"Talent?"

"No. Well, in some cases, yeah, but that's beside the point." Tsukishima unfolded a chair and sat down on it, pulling Yamaguchi down onto his lap. He held both his talent-less boyfriend's hands in his own. "Not everyone on the team has freak talent, and even those that do have to put in a lot of hard work."

"I do work hard," Yamaguchi said. "And I have literally one job. Why do I keep messing it up?"

"Because of your reasons for wanting to be better," Tsukishima said. "You don't want to disappoint the team, and you don't want to disappoint me. Don't you think there's something missing?"

"Hm? What could be missing?"

" _You_ ," Tsukishima said, flicking the end of the boy's nose. "Yamaguchi, it's fine to want to do things for other people, but at the end of the day, it's just you in the back of the court, alone until you put the ball in play. If you keep thinking about not letting anyone down, then you're alone with incredible pressure. You need a brace to keep yourself from being swept away by that current, and you can only make one for yourself. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Yamaguchi had the intensely watchful look he often expressed while studying hard for an exam. It made his eyes even larger, and he looked more youthful than usual. He stared at Tsukishima intensely, thinking the words over. Tsukishima found it cute, if a little embarrassing, how the boy took his every word so seriously.

"You mean, I have to find a reason of my own for wanting to be better?" Yamaguchi guessed. "Is that it, Tsukki?"

"Yes, that's exactly it," Tsukishima said. He had always liked guiding Yamaguchi, if anything because the kid always looked so lost. It also made him feel more confident and adult than he usually felt deep down. He ran a hand over Yamaguchi's hair, smoothing it, though the cowlick refused to be put down. "You have to want to be better _for your own sake_. You have to want to improve for you, more than for anyone or anything else. You have to have pride in yourself."

Yamaguchi smiled softly. Tsukki had turned his own words on him, and he was completely right. He had told Tsukki that he only needed pride, but he had never thought to apply his advice to himself. Yamaguchi had always thought of pride as something that fueled other people, people better than him, and it was foreign to him. However, the Karasuno volleyball team had all stepped up, they were something to be proud of-and something to be proud for.

"Pride in myself," Yamaguchi murmured thoughtfully. "I've never had anything to be proud of before."

"That's not true," Tsukishima said. "You're a good person, Yamaguchi, and a precious friend to me. Besides, you're in Class 4 with me, and your grades are pretty good."

"I have to do well in school to go to a good university and get a great job, so mom doesn't have to work so hard anymore," Yamaguchi said. "I'm no genius, I just study hard."

"Yamaguchi, you really don't get anything, do you?" Tsukishima said wearily. He kissed his forehead. "You love your friends and family dearly, and you're loyal to them. Besides that, you work harder than anyone I know. You can be proud of those things. And if you keep working hard, volleyball will become something you can be proud of, too."

"You think so, Tsukki?"

"I promise you."

It was a stretch, but Yamaguchi lit up. Before his confidence flagged, Tsukishima distracted him with a gentle kiss. Yamaguchi shifted on his lap, and his arms went around his neck again. The kiss deepened, and Yamaguchi grew more insistent. Feeling him squirm around on his lap aroused Tsukishima to the point of agony.

"Wait, wait a minute," he gasped. Yamaguchi was soft and inviting on his lap, and the air in the club room was heavy. His hands smoothed down Yamaguchi's waist, gripping his bottom through his uniform slacks. "We better get home."

"Nooo," whined Yamaguchi. He leaned his head on Tsukishima's shoulder. "Just a little longer like this, Tsukki, please?"

"I can't take it any longer, honestly. Get off."

"No."

" _No_?"

Yamaguchi looked up with a surprisingly naughty smile. He straddled Tsukishima's lap, and removed his jacket and Tsukishima's. He kissed Tsukishima's neck, and Tsukishima shivered. In his overzealous way, Yamaguchi was beginning to achieve a crude maturity in his advances.

"Yama-Tadashi," Tsukishima called him by his first name. He felt plastered into the chair, trapped beneath the demanding other youth. "Come on, cut it out. This is too much."

"Don't worry, Tsukki," Yamaguchi said. "I'll take care of you."

"You'll what? What are you-"

Yamaguchi unbuckled Tsukishima's belt and fumbled his fly open. Tsukishima would have laughed at how determined Yamaguchi looked, the tip of his tongue peeking out between his lips in concentration, but he was burning with need. Yamaguchi opened his fly and, after a few nervous attempts, reached into his briefs. He took his erection in his hands, and Tsukishima's thoughts went completely blank.

* * *

Unknown to the two inside, Shoyo had jumped up to the high window and hung from its ledge. He had heard and watched the entire scene. Now, his eyes were wide and his mouth hung open. He wanted to look away, knew he should, but he was rooted to the spot. He felt weird. Even though these two were friends, teammates, and guys, he had caught their arousal like a disease.

Every detail was etched into Shoyo's brain, and his vision was uncommonly clear, like it sometimes was in midair above the volleyball net. He wanted to turn this clarity off, though. He did not want to see the way Yamaguchi's thin hands pressed and stroked and squeezed. He did not want to see the sweat beading on Tsukishima's face as he threw his head back and gasped, both hands gripping Yamaguchi's dark hair tightly. He sure as hell didn't want to see Yamaguchi (him, of all people in the world) lean his face down and put his lips to Tsukishima's erection in a darting little kiss.

Shoyo let go of the ledge and fell on his backside on the ground. He was panting as if he had been a part of the activities, and his body trilled with tension. He got up and ran to find the nearest bathroom.

* * *

"And where did you learn how to do that?" Tsukishima asked, wiping himself off with the towel he had finished into. He lifted Yamaguchi's face up by the chin. "Hm?"

"U-um, well, I sort of ... ha ha."

"Where did you learn it?"

"I, er, asked Mr. Shimada about it."

"Shi-SHIMADA?" Tsukishima growled. He was beginning to hate that name. "Why is he teaching a sixteen-year-old about things like that? What kind of pervert is he?"

"It's just that I saw how uncomfortable you've been, and I felt bad," Yamaguchi explained. "I tried looking on the internet, but there were so many different things, and I couldn't really understand any of them much. So I begged Mr. Shimada to tell me something I could do. He didn't say much, just told me to use my hands like that."

"That pervert."

"He's really not, Tsukki."

Tsukishima was not convinced, but he let it go for Yamaguchi's sake. He patted him on the head absently, tossing the towel aside and pulling his pants back up. Yamaguchi was still straddling his lap, arms lacing a cat's cradle behind Tsukishima's head. He nuzzled his face in Tsukishima's neck, kissing him here and there. Tsukishima stroked his back, and gave his bottom a squeeze. Sometime not too long from now, he would know this body as well as he knew his own. He shuddered with anticipation, thinking of the night he would have the youth entirely to himself.

"Just don't get too close to that Shimada," Tsukishima said. He swatted Yamaguchi's bottom a few times. "You're mine, Tadashi. You belong to me."

"I know that, Tsukki," Yamaguchi said with a laugh. He saw a serious look in Tsukki's eyes, so he kissed him long and hard to reassure him. Stroking his face, he quietly repeated, "I know."

Tsukishima embraced him and kissed him fervently. He held him for one precious moment more, and then eased him off his lap. Yamaguchi stretched his arms, yawning.

"I wish you could stay over every night," he said, rubbing one sleepy eye. "I wish we were adults already and we could live in an apartment together."

"If we were adults, we wouldn't be playing volleyball all together anymore," Tsukishima pointed out. He packed their things and shouldered his bag, handing Yamaguchi his own. "Maybe I can sleep over tonight. Since your mom is back, we'll just have to be quiet."

"Yay!" Yamaguchi exclaimed, hugging Tsukishima briefly. He shouldered his bag. "I love sleeping beside you, Tsukki. I don't have any nightmares."

Tsukishima kissed him, squeezed his hand, and then reluctantly let him go. He opened the club room door and they left. On the street, he put an arm around Yamaguchi's shoulders. It was merely a friendly gesture, but it brought them closer, and that was enough.

* * *

At Yamaguchi's house, Tsukishima decided it was time to address something that had been bothering him. Though Mrs. Yamaguchi gave him permission to stay over automatically, Tsukishima sent Yamaguchi ahead to his room and stayed behind to talk to her.

"Mrs. Yamaguchi?" he asked, following her into the kitchen where she was preparing dinner. "Before you allow me to stay in your home tonight, there is something that you should know."

"Yes?" Mrs. Yamaguchi looked over over the counter at him. "Is something wrong, Kei?"

"No." Tsukishima drew a breath. It was more difficult to form the words than he had expected, and he felt his face coloring. "Mrs. Yamaguchi, you have always welcomed me into your home, and into your son's life. If what I am about to tell you offends you, I sincerely apologize. You must know that I never intended for any of this to happen, and that it happened before I could speak to you about it. If you want me to leave and never set foot in this house again after what I say, I understand."

Mrs. Yamaguchi stared gravely at the young man. She nodded soberly.

"The thing is, Tadashi and I ... are more than friends now," Tsukishima confessed. "We aren't lovers yet, but we've been, er, romantically involved, I guess. I ... I love him."

Mrs. Yamaguchi stared at him, eyes wide and puzzled like her son's. She set down the knife she had been cutting vegetables with and sat down at the table across from Tsukishima. She looked at him for a long time, eyes seeming to see through him. Tsukishima shifted, but he did not look away.

"Even if our relationship has changed a little, nothing else will," Tsukishima went on. "I still intend to take care of Tadashi. In fact, I feel more obliged to protect him now than ever. And I will always keep my promise to you: I won't ever make him cry."

"Oh, I'm afraid that won't be possible now," Mrs. Yamaguchi said with a wistful smile. "Lovers always manage to make each other cry, at one point or another. Kei. From the beginning, you've taken responsibility for Tadashi. Even at such a young age, you understood what I told you about his codependency, and instead of running away, you promised to be there for him. To tell you the truth, I thought you would have gotten tired of or fed up with Tadashi by now, and left him. I contemplated not allowing you to befriend him back then, because I was so afraid that you would only end up breaking his heart. But you've changed his life, Kei. You've been very good for him. You've loved him all along, I think."

"Yes," Tsukishima said quietly. "Yes, I have."

"I thought so," Mrs. Yamaguchi said. "After all, I've watched you two fall in love, haven't I? In a way, I hoped Tadashi would find someone like you to love him. I don't care if he is with a man or a woman, I only want him to be happy, and to be taken care of lovingly. Still, you are both very young. Can you promise that even if the romance doesn't last, you will still be his friend? At this point, if he ever lost you completely ... I don't want to think what would happen to him. He has overcome a lot, but he's still dependent on you. No matter how strong he gets, don't expect that to change."

"I never wanted or expected Tadashi to change," Tsukishima said. "I love him as he is. I'll love him no matter what. Even if we don't stay together romantically, yes, Mrs. Yamaguchi, I promise you that I will always be his friend. I can't imagine a day when I don't love Tadashi anymore."

Mrs. Yamaguchi stared at him for a moment. Tsukishima's heart skipped a beat. As easily readable as her son was, a hard lonely life had made Mrs. Yamaguchi inscrutable. Tsukishima knew she would throw him out, tell him to never even look at her son again (although that would be difficult, given the volleyball club). He was getting up to leave, when suddenly, the woman smiled. Tsukishima stopped, amazed.

"Thank goodness," Mrs. Yamaguchi said. She had married and had her child young, and with that smile, she looked almost college age again. "I can see you're sincere. It won't be easy, but I know you will do your best to care for my son."

"Ah ... You're not angry? I mean, I am a guy, after all."

"To tell you the truth, I always knew Tadashi wasn't interested in girls," Mrs. Yamaguchi admitted. "A mother knows these things."

"Oh."

"Don't worry, Kei," Mrs. Yamaguchi said. She stood up from the chair and returned to dinner prep. "I'm happy for the two of you. Of course, you can stay here whenever you like. You're still always welcome in this house."

The words touched Tsukishima. This home held many pleasant memories for him. After his own house had been tainted by his brother's lies, he had sought the sedate refuge of the Yamaguchi household. Mrs. Yamaguchi was quiet, but warm in her way, and respected Tsukishima in a way most adults never respected children. Tadashi was wholesome and pure, his honesty had been refreshing after Tsukishima had stopped believing in the world.

"Mrs. Yamaguchi ..." Tsukishima murmured. "Thank you."

Tadashi came into the kitchen just then. He looked sleepy, rubbing one eye. He immediately gravitated to Tsukishima's side.

"Oh, there you are," he said. "Hey, Tsukki, can you help me with my homework? I'm stuck and it's too late to think that hard."

"So why do I have to be the one to think hard at this hour?" Tsukishima grumbled, although he smiled. He stood and patted Yamaguchi's head. "All right. Let's go."

"Dinner soon, Tadashi," Mrs. Yamaguchi said.

"Yes, mom."

In the hall, Tsukishima took Yamaguchi's hand in his own. He told him that he had told his mother, and she had given her approval. Yamaguchi looked mortified, but he showed his relief at being free to be with his friend in his own home by leaning up and giving him a kiss at the corner of the mouth.

 _If only it could always be this easy and simple,_ Tsukishima thought. They settled down on the floor beside Yamaguchi's bed to study. They had shared countless nights like this, but tonight was different. The novelty of being boyfriends was slowly wearing off, like a dangerous flame waning down into a soft warm ember. Ruffling his friend's hair, or giving him a kiss for encouragement, it all felt like a natural part of life now. Whether this would last or not did not matter; they were here, this close, now, and these moments felt like a lifetime.

 _I'm happy,_ Tsukishima realized. It was a simple emotion, so people said, but he had never understood it too well. He spent his life being satisfied with his life and himself, his image, his grades, his volleyball performance, but happiness? He had always thought people trying so hard to be happy were faking it, greedy, or idiotic. He had even doubted that emotions like "joy" or "love" existed; he had strongly suspected people were exaggerating their experiences for attention. How could he deny it now, though? It was sappy and lame, but it filled his whole body, his whole being, with contentment. It was a cat lying in the strong sunshine, fish in a clear pond, the calm sea after a storm, and a million more metaphors—yet none of them really described it accurately. He hated himself for being in such a goofy mindset, but he could do nothing more than smile helplessly. Losing control of one's image and emotions, being stupidly passionate ... well, it could feel good after all.

Tsukishima took Yamaguchi's face into both hands and kissed him. Yamaguchi had been in the middle of reciting a maths problem, and was taken completely off guard. He was always the one that lost control of himself and rushed into reckless kisses, not Tsukki. He didn't know why Tsukki had let his coolness slip, but he felt the insistence in his mouth, his tongue, and he met it eagerly. A shock traveled down his spine as he felt the truth behind that kiss: Tsukishima needed _him_.

"I love you," Tsukishima said earnestly. He was breathing hard and his glasses were crooked; he looked young, suddenly, years younger than the full-grown man Yamaguchi saw him as. Even his smile was awkward, the muscles at the corners of his mouth twitching, unused to the expression. "Tadashi, I love you."

"Ah-are you sure this isn't a dream? Tsukki?" Yamaguchi laughed, twisting a lock of his hair nervously. That much intensity focused on him made him feel very small. "Me? Why me?"

He had only whispered, but Tsukishima heard. He covered Yamaguchi's mouth with a hand lightly, leaning his face close, their foreheads touching. Yamaguchi's mouth and nose were covered, only his wide perplexed eyes showing.

"Because it's you, Yama-Tadashi," Tsukishima said gently. He removed his hand and kissed the youth's thin lips. "I love you because you're you. Just accept that."

Yamaguchi still thought it was beyond belief, but he never doubted what Tsukki said. Unbelievable as it was, he could no longer deny that his friend loved him truly. He finally let go of the idea this was all a dream or a coma or anything but real life: a slice of how beautiful real life could actually be.


	5. Chapter 5 (Epilogue)

Epilogue

Shoyo Hinata was too antsy to sleep on time that night. He had tried to look at a few pinup girl magazines he kept hidden, but he kept remembering the weird feeling of watching the very unfeminine Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, and finally gave it up. Now, he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking.

Finally, Shoyo sat up and turned on his phone. He sent a text message to a friend, and was relieved to get a response. He texted about school and volleyball for a while, trying to get the courage to ask what he really wanted to.

Hey, Kenma, Shoyo finally texted. What do you think about people dating?

It's something some people like to do in high school, was the typically callous reply from Kenma Kozume, of Tokyo's Nekoma High School.

Well yeah, but two guys in school have just started dating.

That happens, too.

Shoyo sighed. Kenma was a brilliant observer of humanity, but there were still times when he did not fully understand it. Shoyo decided to be as frank as possible, that was always the best way to talk to the other boy.

I mean, they started dating EACH OTHER, Shoyo texted. What do you think? About guys dating, I mean?

* * *

A ways away in the suburbs of Tokyo, Kenma Kozume raised his eyebrows at the text.

Are you interested in dating a guy, Hinata?

NONONONO! Shoyo's reply exclaimed. I was just curious what you think about it?

Kenma thought for a moment, and almost smiled. He sprawled out over Kuroo Tetsurō's legs, knocking his school book off his lap. Kuroo scolded him, but made no move to get him off. He leaned the book open on the boy's slim bottom, and resumed his homework.

Who is together? Kenma texted. I won't tell anyone.

Shoyo texted Kenma the entire story. Kenma's cat-like golden eyes followed the scrawling text, and widened. He tapped the phone to his mouth once the texts stopped, considering.

When people are together for so long, relying on each other so closely, it can sometimes progress from friendship to romantic love, Kenma texted back. Even with two guys, like Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, it can turn out that way. Or two girls, too, I guess. Most people are scared of that fact, and won't admit it, but it's true. They are both young and probably want to keep it a secret, so it won't affect their lives too much. In the end, the very closest friendships usually look a lot like love, anyway.

I guess so.

You shouldn't worry about being curious or turned on, either, Shoyo, Kenma continued. The human body is programmed to react to sex, in any form. It doesn't mean anything. If it did, would that even matter?

YEAH IT WOULD MATTER!

Why?

Because I'm not that way! I don't want to be into guys!

Why not?

I'm just not that way.

Well, that's ok. But Hinata, even if something isn't normal, that doesn't mean it's wrong. I was always told I wasn't normal. Is my living wrong? Does not being normal mean I can't be good at anything, or good for anything?

Kenma ... [There was a long 'typing' pause.] I never thought of it that way. I don't think Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are wrong, not really. They looked happy. More than happy. I was just confused about how I felt, I guess. It's really a normal reaction?

From what I understand about biology, yeah.

You know a lot about everything, Kenma. Thanks.

No problem, Kenma texted back with a tiny smile. Above him, Kuroo yawned and shut the book. He tapped Kenma's bottom with it, telling him it was late. I have to go. You should respect your friends and their privacy. Good night, Shoyo.

Good night.

"Hey, Kenma, put the phone down already," Kuroo said. He idly stroked the youth's back, watching him arch his spine a little like a cat. "Bedtime."

"Mmm."

"I said, bedtime."

"Mm."

Kuroo noted the conversation Kenma was scrawling through. He snatched the phone out of the startled boy's hands.

"What is this?" he demanded. "Is that Hinata shrimp interested in you?"

"No." Kenma sat up finally, snatching at the phone. "Give it back, Kuroo."

"Huh, glasses with the attitude and that fanboy of his are together?" Kuroo remarked, holding the phone out of Kenma's reach. "Reminds me a little of us. You're not a slobbering talent-less idiot, though."

"That's mean, Kuroo." Kenma watched Kuroo for a moment, saw his chance, and snatched his phone back. "Stop reading my texts."

"All right, all right," Kuroo said. He yawned. "It's not like I give a crap about those Karasuno guys, anyway. Unless I can use it in a game against them sometime. I'll have to think about that. Anyway, let's get some sleep already, okay?"

Kenma looked at him, expression unreadable. Then, he leaned up and gave his lips a light kiss. Kuroo was surprised; Kenma rarely took the initiative to be affectionate. He kissed the younger boy back and held him close a moment.

"Kenma?"

"Mm?" Kenma looked up at him, cradled on the other youth's lap.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Kuroo said, recalling Kenma's texts about being told he was not normal. "If you're not 'normal', it's because you're special. You've always been the most special person I know. You get that, right?"

"Okay."

Kuroo kissed his forehead tenderly. Then, he stood up, lifting Kenma up to his feet with him. The texts he had read reminded him of the gradual shift from friendship to friendly romance his relationship with Kenma had taken, just a year ago. He wondered if Tsukishima was worrying about the things that had troubled him. Did he feel guilty for letting his best friend fall in love with him? Did he worry that he was using the other boy?

 _If he is worried, that's too bad for that smartass,_ Kuroo thought. He climbed into his bed, and Kenma crawled in with him. Kuroo was in the habit of locking his door no matter whether he had visitors or not, so they never had to worry about being caught. Kuroo smiled, stroking Kenma's soft skin. He looked and felt like a kitten, nestled perfectly into the crook of Kuroo's shoulder and arm. _I didn't have to worry too much about Kenma. He's honest, he wouldn't lie to me or for my sake. I asked him if he wanted me to kiss him, he said it was okay, and he's been happy with all the rest. That honesty can be annoying sometimes, but if he's ever not okay with something, he would sure as hell let me know it._

Kuroo reached over and turned off the nearby lamp. He settled beneath the bed covers with Kenma in one arm. _It probably won't last past high school,_ he thought. _I don't see how it could. But I have this time with Kenma, and it will always be precious to me. A precious little secret, that's what Kenma is to me. I guess high school is the time for these kinds of experiments. Even those backwards Karasuno losers get it._

* * *

A gently rainy morning dawned on Japan the next day. In Tokyo, Kuroo had to nudge Kenma awake. They dressed together and had breakfast at Kuroo's house, then headed out to school. In the Miyagi Prefecture, Shoyo woke up tired but no longer so confused about the world, thanks to Kenma's insights. Not too far off, the source of his confusion woke up in a tangle of limbs. Tsukishima watched Yamaguchi sleep for a few minutes, enjoying their closeness. Finally, with a kiss, he shook him awake for school.

"Ah, I wish I was a girl," Yamaguchi lamented as he dressed. He pulled the curtain aside and looked glumly out at the rain. "We could share an umbrella and hold hands on the way to school."

"If you were a girl, we wouldn't be on the same volleyball team, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima pointed out. "Besides, holding hands is lame for anyone."

"Still ..." Yamaguchi shook the wistful mood away. He gave Tsukishima a kiss. "Oh well. I have you to myself when we're alone. That's enough."

Tsukishima felt a little sorry for him. He was not the type that cared about having a public display of love, but he knew Yamaguchi was. He wished he could let the boy be with him freely, but it was simply not possible.

"Hey, let's go into town later," Tsukishima suggested. "We can go to a restaurant. I'll buy you french fries. It'll almost be like a date."

Yamaguchi beamed and hugged him. Tsukishima stumbled back a step, and held him tolerantly. _If he could harness some of this fervor in his serves, he'd give Oikawa competition,_ he thought cynically.

"Calm down, I said 'almost'," Tsukishima said. He kissed Yamaguchi's cheek. "We won't be going anywhere if we're late to school. Let's go."

Yamaguchi's mother had already left for work, but she had left them bento boxes for lunch and most of breakfast prepared. Yamaguchi heated everything up and cooked some eggs; he often had to cook for himself or complete half-prepared meals due to his mother's busy schedule. He was diligent in the kitchen, a careful and decent cook. Oftentimes, Tsukishima took him to get fast food on nights when his mother was not home, which might have led to the boy's love for french fries.

"Hey, Yamaguchi, maybe you should have been a girl," Tsukishima teased when Yamaguchi served him a plate. "You'd make a decent wife."

"Would you have married me if you could, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi laughed. The gravity of the word sunk in and he blushed deeply. "Haha, sorry, I'm still kind of half-asleep."

"No you're not," Tsukishima said. "And ... yeah, sure, I would."

"Huh?"

"Marry you," Tsukishima muttered into his bowl of rice, shoveling it into his mouth to muffle his words. His ears had turned red. "If I could."

Yamaguchi stared at him with round eyes. Uncertain whether he was joking or not, he just laughed. Over the table, however, he put a hand on Tsukishima's, and Tsukki squeezed it back.

After eating and cleaning up, they headed out into the rain together. Despite his earlier laments, Yamaguchi barely felt the physical separation of walking as friends rather than lovers. The core of their relationship had changed irrevocably.

 _Even when we're apart, we'll be together,_ Yamaguchi thought. He smiled up at Tsukki, walking just a tiny bit closer beside him. _We've shared too much to be truly separated now. We belong to each other. We always will, won't we?_

At school, they put their umbrellas in the stand. Tsukishima ruffled Yamaguchi's damp hair, accidentally standing his cowlick up again. Yamaguchi gave him a loving smile, but it was brief, secretive. Talking about nothing, the friends and lovers headed to class side by side, as always.

* * *

 _Take your time watching over you_  
 _Waiting for a load I will take for you_  
 _Step by step I will shadow you_  
 _You can hold your own, I will only do_

 _In your name I will cover you_  
 _Waiting for the blame I will take for you_  
 _All I need is to carry you_  
 _You can hold your own, I will hold it too_

 _Only want what you know you need_  
 _I will come to you and know what you're asking for_  
 _You want what you know you need_  
 _I begin to see_  
 _I will come to you and follow you through the dark_

 _Changing mind, like you always do_  
 _Waiting for the blow I will take for you_  
 _Blinding lights washing over you_  
 _You can hold your own and I will hold it too_

 _Only want what you know you need_  
 _I begin to see_  
 _I will come to you and know what you're asking for_  
 _You want what you know you need_  
 _I begin to see_  
 _I will come to you and follow you through the dark_

 _You want what you know you need_  
 _I begin to see_  
 _I will come to you and know what you're asking for_  
 _You want what you know you need_  
 _I begin to see_  
 _I will come to you and follow you through the dark_

 _See the dark_  
 _See the dark_  
 _See the dark_  
 _See the dark_  
 _See the dark_

~ CHVRCHES, "Follow You"

THE END


End file.
